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The Sunday Squirrel: love?

The premise of today’s squirrel was to write a love scene where the characters do not touch, or say anything similar to “I love you”, and there is no internal dialogue. (Think distant 3rd person.) Here’s my attempt at making it clear that these characters love each other…

He met her gaze. “Stay.”

Her hand slipped from the doorknob, and she stepped toward him, her eyes glistening. “I want to…but I can’t.”

He shoved trembling hands into his pants pockets. “You belong here. With me. The house is empty without you.” He shifted and whispered down to her, close enough for his breath to move wisps of her hair. “It has no soul when you’re gone.”

The tears finally spilled over, leaving black tracks down her cheeks. Her hand came up, palm out, and hung in the air, somewhere between a sign to stop and the beginning of a caress. She held it for a beat and then her face crumpled. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed, turning away and covering her mouth. With a quick twist on the knob, she yanked open the front door and ran to her car.

The door slammed shut with a gust of cold wind, and he watched her blurry form through the frosted glass until she drove away. He sank to his knees on the Oriental carpet runner and rubbed his chest, leaning forward until his forehead rested on the blue and red yarns. He beat the polished wood floor with his fist as a low moan escaped his lips. “Carrie.”

0 Comments

  1. Reply

    What an interesting exercise…(Sorry, just saw I echoed you). I really like some of that dialogue…”Stay”, and the movement.

    Hmmm. I am going to have to ponder it, I may have to use this type of exercise, because in my current story, I am not sure I want the hero ever to say “I love you”, but I want it to be clear he does.

    Thanks Gwen!

    • Reply

      Echoes are okay out of the MS. =) This would have been a lot easier if I could have used some internal dialogue. I kept putting it in and then having to delete it. But it’s a good way to think about how to make the other person’s feelings clear when writing a scene in only one POV.

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